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Responses for ~ John Lamont's |
John,
Sounds like someone's wearing Prada. My only comment is with the dialogue. The speaker attributions are awkward. The old saying, "Just use: he said, she said, works best." If there is important emotion to convey to the reader, then some special use could be made in the rarest of occasions. It's better to show the emotion that to describe it.
Some of this dialogue did not need attributes at all, since you knew who was speaking. What's being said is the critical thing, the author bits are annoying unless they move the story along in a meaningful way.
John Wolf
F&Q
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John,
Wow! that was certainly visual. I followed the story in my head every sentence. Keep up the good work.
Linda Meckler
Ghost Kids Trilogy.
Email_address: linda.meckler@hotmail.com