New Reflections on an Ancient Art: Communication
by John W. Davis

It may be one of the more difficult skills for any writer to master: to listen. After all, writing is about expressing. And most of the time, that means expressing ourselves.

Not to forget the ying-yang aspect of nature, remember that effective communication has two parts: expressing, and listening . After all what good is it to express ourselves if there is no one to receive these sage expressions?

But yet, I still recall with some shock a point made in a communication course I took years ago about public speaking. That was, the speaker must convey his point in about the first three minutes of an hour speech or lecture, or it will not be retained!

In a book I read recently about playwriting; the point was made that the author must consider that the audience is constantly being distracted by what is going on around him in the audience. The people there to “watch” the play are also watching all the people around them. We have to strive to grab and hold attention to the center or the stage, and it isn’t always easy.

In the “simple” art of one-on-one conversation, how do you score on the receiving end? The ability to really listen? Most of us don’t do so well. Have you ever concentrated more on your upcoming rebuttal than what the other person is actually saying? Do you honestly think it is more valuable for your opinion to be heard or for you to hear the other’s opinion? Think about that one for a moment.

You already know what you think. If there is going to be any benefit TO YOU in a conversation, isn’t it really to listen to the opinion or information the other person is putting out?

How important is it that others know your opinion about something? And why? Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t, just be aware.

We humans are social animals and so we love to commiserate with one another. Talk, drink, sing, dance. It is natural for us to do this for no other purpose than to socialize. Now, if no further result is desired, it probably doesn’t matter if you listen to others or they listen to you: A good time is had by all and in most cases, forgotten by the morning.

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Sometimes there are real reasons to talk and to listen. Those are the times I am discussing. I remember a dear friend who was the wife of  a corporate CEO. She said when they held a company party for their family owned small corporation, she would always have the bartender or maid mix her a martini in front of everyone. After that, it was ice water, refreshed out of the sight of the guests. It was strange how by wandering around the party she found out who liked whom, who liked which projects, and all sorts of other real intelligence bits would be gathered (and reported the next morning to her husband). That is one case of skillful listening that comes to mind. You can think of many more.

Multi-tasking is being discredited lately in many circles. It had been found to be inefficient, error prone, and an increase to unnecessary stress. Slowing down, focusing on a central or main point, and listening may be coming back into fashion. If anyone comes up with a way to get your teen agers to listen to you, you’ll have a best seller on your hands.

Thanks for the essay John... J. Wolf

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