Reinventing Yourself
by Lois Stern
I was asked to do summaries of two panel sessions at my recent Barnard Collelge Reunion. The title of the sessions I was assigned was: Reinventing Yourself, something we authors seem to be doing on a regular basis. As such, I thought the words expressed by my fellow classmates might be of interest to readers of Fox and Quill. I have broken down my jottings into Part 1 and part 2.
PART 1
Friday Morning Session:
I listened intently as conversations flowed between two basic paths. Women repeatedly echoed thoughts about the gifts Barnard bestowed upon us, gifts that inspired us to discover our individual intellectual strengths, build confidences, establish life goals, and yes, even pushed us to pursue them with vigor. And so we became, psychologists, teachers, money managers, systems analysts, physicians, artists, and more.
After spending many productive years within our chosen fields, we now are facing a new phase known as 'moving on' after retirement. Conversation shifted. Those who have already retired, spoke their minds as others questioned them: What are you doing in retirement? How do you fill your time? How does it feel to step aside from your life's work? Did you really need to reinvent yourself? If so, how did you go about it?
Some were totally upbeat, viewing this period as a wonderful time to explore new interests without pressure to succeed or commitment to persevere. These women began to enrich themselves through Lifelong Learning Classes, bridge games, travel, turning toward nature, involvement in local politics, simply enjoying life. One woman expressed it beautifully with the words: "I no longer want to be important. I simply want to enjoy life."
Others shared conflicted feelings, the discomfort of not being in the moment, recognizing that the pattern of striving for achievement pursued them even now. They confessed that after so many years of feeling secure in the knowledge of who they were, they are now wondering who they are going to become. Anxiety arising from lack of commitment seemed to pursue some. "I feel like I am cheating if I'm doing nothing more than enjoying life."
PART 2
Saturday Morning Session:
Those attending the Saturday morning session voiced similar thoughts. (Actually, we had some repeat performers returning to this same panel on its second day, a testament to the meaningful nature of the give and take explored on Friday morning.) But a few other themes emerged as well, including the realities in facing widowhood and illness, and recognizing that for good and not-so-good, these events do impact on our lives.
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Although I personally have never been able to achieve this, others spoke about feeling unfettered from strict schedules, now being thrilled to be able to stay up late into the evening and sleep until nearly noon the next day, describing this as a gift to treasure. Others spoke in terms of the wisdom we have gained through lives lived, and the recognition we get (or should get) for this accrued knowledge. There was mention of friendships and the importance of women friends in our lives, something so essential that we are prone to take the element of friendship for granted, forgetting to mention it.
I spoke about the anxiety I experienced when, still not emotionally ready to retire, my hand was forced by an offer too good to refuse, full lifetime medical benefits for my husband and me. The best advice I was given then was to try not to plan the rest of my life in one gulp, to just let it happen while being alert to opportunities that present themselves. I shared a few secrets of my own, starting with my decision to have cosmetic surgery, and how it impacted on me from the outside-in, so much so that I needed to research my responses, interview others, and eventually write the most candid book out there on women and cosmetic surgery. Now this was an unexpected path for me, clearly reflective of another great quote thrown out that day:
"One of life's great surprises is how we surprise ourselves."
(One thing I forgot to mention at our sessions was this: My posting of a notice in the Barnard Alumni Magazine helped me acquire a number of willing interview subjects for my book. So once again, Barnard came through for me!)
Just as the women's movement gave words to feelings that formerly had no names or labels, participants during these panel sessions have helped one another verbalize the particular challenges facing our generation today.
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About the Author: Lois W. Stern has written a number of nostalgia articles, including Grab a Pickle, Share a Memory, originally published in the New York Times. She has written feature articles for LI Beauty Guide, numerous articles on health and beauty posted at her website: www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com/ and is the author of: SEX, LIES AND COSMETIC SURGERY. She is now on work on her second book. |
Lois
Stern
Thanks Lois for the delightful article... John Wolf
